One of the middle aged moms from my church had a teenage daughter in the prime of her adolescence. Her daughter wanted nothing to do with her, and she was in a stage where she was anti-parent. She was just finding who she was and finding that in other people. We started this mentoring program at my church not long after and her daughter was given a mentor from the church body. I remember a couple week later the mom in study saying that this mentoring program meant the absolute word to her. Her daughter responded so positively to her mentor. Her mom was just so grateful that even thought it wasn't her, her daughter had someone who supported her, loved her, and was someone she could look up to. As I read through this chapter about attachments, I am reminded a lot of this story.
Siegel, being a father, gave great advice to parents. He provided a new perspective on parenting for parents. Sometimes as a parent is is a hard pill to swallow when you are not who your child wants to be with. As I look back to my adolescent years, I can see why this is so important. My parents always were telling me what to do. My parents could tell me one thing and it would go in one ear and out the other. Someone else could tell me the exact same thing and it would mean so much more. But, the relationships that we have/had with our parents or close caretakers or friends are "influential in terms of how we feel, how we think, how we behave, and how we connect with friends, teachers, and later on, our romantic partners as we move through our lives." As a parent, it crucial for you to try and understand the adolescent and what he/she likes or dislikes. Learn how they react. Learn how they rationalize things. Learn these so that you can support them and encourage them in being exactly who they are.
I liked how you tied the reading to not yourself, but someone in your community. I feel like it makes reading a book well beyond worth it if we're able to connect it back to our lives and others. Also, I appreciated how you recognized Siegel's perspective and advice he has towards parents who are watching their children go through the developmental stages of their life. Great post.
ReplyDeleteI too remember the stage when I didn't need to be with my parents at all. I needed them for love, support, and permission to leave to see friends :) Looking back they were very patient with my need for independence but you're right that a mentor at that stage in my life was as equally important as their love for me. I'm glad you can connect the material to personal experiences.
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